Winter 2024 - details to come

“To be human is to survive love and loss.” – Francis Weller

It’s been a long time since I sat down to write and as much as I’ve wrestled with this, this is why: I’ve had nothing. Okay, perhaps an overstatement as I’ve actually had plenty of thoughts, ideas and perspectives to share, but there are seasons where some things just don’t come easily. Sound familiar? Here’s the thing: I've given myself permission for that to be okay. This hasn’t been without struggle and frustration, riddled with “I should do more” or “pull it together” or “everyone else online has something to say, find something to say.” Although your version of this may sound different, perhaps you can relate to wanting to do something but for various reasons, not being able to. My reasons are varied and far exceed the purpose of this little post but let me share this: It is okay to NOT push yourself ALL THE TIME. It is okay to NOT white knuckle your way through to rigid expectations that really, are not always relevant. It is okay to have others step up. It is okay to redirect energy to things you can do at the time... and rock at that. It is okay to be flexible with yourself and goals you’ve developed. It is okay to strip back to the basics and keep things simple. It is okay to fall and rise in ways you didn’t expect. It is okay to do things differently from those around you. It is okay to NOT be on, all the time. As we step into a new year, when the talk of resolutions and goals are at a prime (both motivating and intimidating, I know) do something radical: give yourself permission to NOT do something. Step back from some thing on your to-do list. Honor the energy and capacity you have. Let that be okay. I dare you. Standing with you, Laurie

The work we get to do is such a gift, often teaching me far more about the resilience of the human spirit than I give back with my empathy and my theory. Case in point: I have been working with this strong, wise woman for several years now. She endured a trauma in her younger years that is, without any doubt, horrifically unimaginable to the majority of us folks. During session a few weeks back, we were reflecting on this younger, traumatized version of herself, and also the courageous path she has travelled to become who she is today, and she stated: “The woman I am today is the friend I needed back then.” Pause for emphasis here. “The woman I am today is the friend I needed back then.” I was hit so squarely in the chest by this statement I teared up right there in session. To fully understand why I found this statement so profound, you have to understand what often lies at the very heart of my approach to trauma work. We must return, not to the trauma, but to the younger parts of ourselves that were deeply injured, betrayed, rejected, abandoned and shamed. We have to locate those young parts in our bodies and psyches and shower them with love and with all our adult wisdoms of compassion, protection, and understanding of children’s powerlessness in the face unsafe adults . We remind these young parts how brave they were. And we let them know it wasn’t their fault. This is where the healing happens. This is where transformation happens. This is what she’s done. Our vision statement at Expression Counselling is: “Transformational love of self and others.” And this young woman is fully living this vision. Because the second reason why her statement so darn profound is that she has taken her trauma and now uses it to serve and support others. She tells her story loud and proud. She is real and vulnerable. She lets people know they aren’t alone. She sits with the broken and loves them until they can love themselves. She is the friend she needed back then. This is how we transform. Not only ourselves, but the world. I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Patton Oswalt: “So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think: The good outnumber you, and we always will.” What a gift to do what we do. As always, wishing you peace. Christina Disclaimer: This post is published with the direct consent of the above-mentioned client. Her words: “I hope it helps others too.”

Just this past May I had a tad bit of a physical and mental health collapse. Dizzy spells, severe rosacea acne, crippling exhaustion, and all the moods a person can feel. I literally woke up in my hallway after a fainting spell and said to myself: “Self. Enough. Something has got to change.” So off I trotted to the doctor and also to my naturopath and they told me all the things that are typical for women my age to hear: iron levels low, cortisol levels flatlined, issues with my digestive system, hormones way out of whack, adrenal fatigue. You know, the usual. Loaded up with vitamins, antibiotics, Kombucha and a new personal trainer, I began the slow journey back to health. Which for the record, made me feel quite a bit worse before I felt better. I think women should know this. But the real question I want to address in this post is “ HOW ? ” How does a smart, capable, intelligent, HELPING PROFESSIONAL (i.e. should know better) burn herself to the ground? I’ve got a few thoughts on this… There’s the usual stuff: I said “yes” when I should have said “no.” I skipped meals in lieu of Venti Starbucks. I’m a regular woman, juggling the relentless demands of parenthood, career, and relationships. I put myself last on the priority list. Yada yada yada… All these things are true… yet, something happened to me during a personal training session recently that highlighted a stressor I had not considered: the weight of the stories we carry when we are helpers . Now don’t get me wrong, I love people’s stories, I am so deeply honored to be invited in to these stories. I believe all of us carry stories that are meant to be shared, as they join us in our humanity. Yet they do carry weight; there’s no denying it. I wouldn’t be the therapist I am if I didn’t feel deeply the injustice, grief, and anger of people's experiences. My trainer Sarrah, who is an angel of a human, had me hitting a heavy bag as part of my workout. I’m not much of a fighter so this was new to me. During this particular pounding session, seemingly out of nowhere, I started crying. At first I was quite embarrassed, but she was having none of my shame. She stopped correcting my form and told me just to hit the darn bag as hard and as long as I needed. So I did. And out of nowhere, this rage and grief started pouring out of me, punch after punch- all the tragedy and impossibly painful stories I hear in my practice. And it wasn’t just my counselling work, it was also the news stories of shootings, and children dying and overdose crisis and all the heaviness and wrongness and unfairness of the world that I carry in my big ol’ compassionate heart. It was the people who show up in my space imploring me to “fix” situations to which there is no solution, and it was the pressure I carry around trying to be good enough for these folks, to be useful to them. And for all of my self-awareness, I literally had no idea that I was packing around that much pain and pressure. I always thought: “I’m good. I’ve got good boundaries. I’ve got a supervisor I process stuff with.” Here’s a trauma truth from Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk: trauma lives in our bodies. If we want to take care of ourselves, talk processing is not enough. We have got to get our bodies moving. I have now been converted to the truth that there is no other way to stay healthy in the work besides getting physical. So here is my challenge to you helpers- and I mean you teachers, parents, nurses, social workers, youth care workers, best friends and spouses, and everyone else (you know who you are). As we enter back to our fall routines, I implore you to sign yourself up for a yoga class, a fitness class, HIIT class, or a running group. Anything! Just get your body moving so that you can keep on caring for your people. The world needs people like us to keep showing up. I’m happy to report I’m feeling much better these days. Big love to you all, Christina

At some point in all of our lives, we are at the centre of tragedy. We are the ones sitting in hospital rooms or police stations or funeral homes, shocked, bleary, hurting, broken, overwhelmed, numb, scared. Here’s the thing I’ve noticed though, and it brings me to my knees every time I see or hear of it: there is something quite beautiful that happens in these moments. Love shows up. I mean, like REALLY shows up. It shows up in meal trains and in text messages and in prayers. It shows up in Go Fund Me page donations and offers to watch the kids. It shows up in the space folks create for us to cry, to scream, or simply say nothing at all. It showed up in Milestone, Saskatchewan when 100 volunteers harvested a farmer’s crop after he suddenly passed away. It shows up and does exactly what needs to be done, no matter how big or how small the task. And when I say love shows up, what I mean is that YOU show up. WE show up. And that is pretty darn incredible, if you ask me. And this is how I know, despite all the ugly things we see and hear, despite our fears that all is falling apart: the world is good. People are inherently good. And life is beautiful and good. Glennon Doyle (and my dear friend, Esther) would call this Brutiful, and I couldn’t agree more.

“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” - Deepak Chopra I have, in different moments of my life, in varying degrees, struggled with anger. Nothing anyone would really notice, I’ve not been aggressive or loud with anger. But it has lived a full life, locked tightly, I daresay trapped, in the contents of my brain. My anger prefers a pattern of looping, rumination, and at its worst, it is an exhausting mental obsession. I like to think of it as my own personal Kangaroo Court, played out in the crevices of my thoughts, following me throughout my day: getting ready for work, when I’m alone in the car, and at bedtime when I should be sleeping. If I’m being honest, I have hated this part of myself. I have longed for peace of mind, peace in my heart, yet felt so very powerless stopping these thoughts. The undoing of this battle (anger vs peace) came to me one afternoon, in the way that most great revelations do: sitting on my deck, feeling the warmth of the sunshine, in search of no answers at all. It is incredible what happens when we allow stillness into our world. Allow me to share: My anger was completely interconnected with my need to control. Boom. Now perhaps control is the wrong word, but it was the one that arrived during this particular epiphany. Clear as day. Interpreted as a form of self-centeredness that presumed everyone should think and act the way I expected them to. Whether I attempted to influence their behavior or simply assumed they should be better. (By the way, I’m referring to everyone in my world - my kids, partner, friends, colleagues, not-friends. You name it). It was made worse if I had told said folks how they should think, feel and behave, and they refused to jump on board with that. It was additionally aggravated when their behaviors seemed just so common sense wrong , and was out of control when they hurt me or the people I love. Continued reflection pointed out that my need to have everyone behave in a way that fit neatly within my own world view robbed me of happiness, forgiveness, peace, and connection. And it was something I literally had no power over. Crazy-making, eh? I started checking off all the people in my life to whom my anger had applied, and realized this was true. Every. Single. Time. Who’d have thunk it: I guess not all people have the same world view as me… Hmmmm. I guess not all people have the same priorities as me…. Hmmmm. I guess not all people give a hoot about my happiness or hurts…. Hmmmm. I suppose other people’s journey might be different than mine…. Hmmmmm. And spending all that time, mental energy and exuding this toxic stress was hurting only, well only hurting me…. Hmmmm. Interesting. And rather than dragging me into a pit of despair, this revelation lifted (what felt like) years of burdens from my mind, body and spirit. It put control back in its useful place, which ultimately was about personal responsibility for my own happiness, my responses to others, and setting necessary and appropriate boundaries. In other words, the things that actually fell within my scope of influence. If you’re interested in a few tips for how to begin a practice of letting go of control, here are my thoughts…. 1. Practice Acceptance We must accept reality exactly as it is and people exactly as they are. Imperfect, flawed, difficult, different than us, different than we would want it to be. 2. Choose your Choice Choose responding rather than ruminating . When someone pushes your buttons and triggers anger (or other emotions), pause and practice self-compassion. Acknowledge that this situation and/or person is challenging you, and that it’s hard and it hurts. Take some time to consider different responses that fall within your control, and then act from this place of clarity. This is how we reclaim our personal power. 3. Set some Boundaries Identify your boundaries. Remember that boundaries are limits we set to protect us from harm. If someone hurts us, or fails to live up to expectations, the only thing within our control is to (1) make sure our expectations are clear; and (2) put the necessary protections in place to limit the ability of folks to overstep or hurt us and the people we love. 4. Let go of Agenda and Outcome This is perhaps the hardest of all the tips. We must do our best to approach people and situations with curiosity and compassion, doing our best to let go of our own agendas, and trust that whatever the outcome, we can handle it. We are strong survivors of life. If this situation is about someone you love who is hurting, we must also trust that whatever they are going through is part of their journey. They are learning and growing from whatever suffering they are going through. Usually it is the hard stuff that turns us into more resilient, empathetic, loving beings. 5. Focus on Yourself and Your Life Do everything in your power to focus your energy and attention on all things wonderful about your life. Practice gratitude. Dig in the garden. Go on a weekend adventure. Enjoy the summer weather. Connect with your people. Set a goal. Do whatever it is that floats your particular boat 😊 This is a tough and complex topic that, at least for me, caused an unraveling of how I viewed and interacted with the world. I hope, at the very least, you pause and reflect. I wholeheartedly believe this is a necessary step in one’s journey towards a more playful and joyful life. As always, wishing you peace. Christina