Life doesn’t need to feel like a boxing ring for us to step back and ask ourselves, who is in my corner? Who has my back? Who are the people that are standing with me in life?

" We become who we are through relationship" (Combs and Friedman, 1999).

The idea that people in our life influence and shape us is not new, yet how often do we pause and take stock in how those we spend time with actually impact us? Or at least, how often do we do this before crisis and conflict occur? Colleagues, friends, partners, family are people we spend time with and build relationships with. It is through these relationships and interactions we make sense of who we are and we carry this understanding into the rest of our life. As such, it is incredibly important the people standing close to us are those supporting who we want to become. And yet at times, there are people we are in relationship with that stand in the way of this becoming.

Let’s pause, right now, and do exactly that… take stock. As you do, consider how those in your life contribute to you experiencing CONNECTION, to feeling like you COUNT, to making you feel CAPABLE, and to fueling your COURAGE. These 4 C’s, the “Crucial C’s” as coined by psychologist Betty Lou Bettner (influenced by the work of Alfred Adler) describes the needs we have as human beings. While most often discussed in the context of parenting, raising children and understanding behavior, it’s important to recognize these needs don’t end in childhood. When these things are missing in our adult life, we may not act as we did as a child, but we nonetheless can feel insecure, unworthy, inferior, or otherwise. The consequence: We don’t become what we can. While we arguably have the responsibility to foster these experiences within ourselves, we also need to have people in our lives helping us to experience these Crucial C’s.

Connection is that experience of belonging, raising the question, “Do those in our corner make us feel secure? Do we breathe easy in their presence and know we have a place?

Count is the sense that "we matter." Too often we have people in our life who diminish our worth and value. Do the people we spend our days with make us feel that we make a difference… that we are, in some way, significant?

Capable is that experience of feeling competent, that feeling of "I can do this.” Do our friends, colleagues or partner foster that confidence in ourselves?

Courage is the belief that we can handle what comes. This invites the question, “Do those in our life help us feel hopeful, resilient or willing to try new things?”

We might not be able to choose everyone who is in our life, but we can choose who we look to influence us and who we are in relationship with.

What do you think? Are the people currently in your corner building up these C’s in your life? If so, let’s celebrate them and keep them close. Perhaps others need to be invited in. Those who chip away at your sense of belonging, value and ability may not have a place here. May this encourage you to cultivate relationships that bring about experiences of connection, courage, and feelings of capability and counting. You are worthy of nothing less.

Travelling with you,

Laurie